A New Role
by tvdunlop
Summary: Jack's role has changed in Sydney's life during season 5. Spoilers, please review. Jack helps Sydney struggle with her reality.........
1. a new connection

Disclaimer: I own nothing, at all, ever, creativity only!

Spoilers for season 5

A New Role

Jack's POV:

Ever since he died, Sydney has been different. After Danny, she was vengeful, angry, and passionate. Now she is struggling with a different type of anger, it's buried deep inside of her along with a sense of betrayal. Over the years we've come to a truce, or rather an understanding. Every time I see her I see Irina, I wonder if she'll see Vaughn in her child. The pain of losing someone you love destroys you, Sydney loved Danny, but not like she loved, still loves, Vaughn. When I first met him, I could hardly believe that pip-squeak of an agent was the one responsible for my daughter's safety. Despite my poor performance as a father, I had some of the instincts of one.

Since his death, my performance as a father has taken on new elements. No longer do I watch her sparkle in the arms of her current love. I don't fear for her life from afar, now I fear for it when I'm standing next to her. Irina would be shocked at the role I've taken in Sydney's life; she always disapproved of the distance I put between my daughter and me. Sydney grew up without me, probably at a certain point she forgot what it was like to have two loving parents around her. We had sworn to bring her up enfolded in a house of love, things change. I watch her sometimes and I wonder about her future, my grandchild's future. Will she be haunted forever by memories? She is stronger than I ever was, that's Irina's gift to her. Maybe she'll move beyond that pain and be able to connect to her child. She has learned a great deal from my mistakes. I helped her build the crib last night, she smiled and joked with me, that gave me hope. As a father, to watch you daughter suffer is perhaps the cruelest of all tortures, and goodness knows I've endured plenty. I cannot cure her pain, or even make it go away. For years I've been haunted by her misfortunes. She endured terrible things at SD-6, lost Danny, then chased Sloane across the globe, realized her mother was a Russian spy, then lost her fiancé for a second time. How is a father supposed to protect her daughter in this world? I did everything I could, when Sydney questioned my motives, loyalty, I never answered her. I can know watching her; everything questionable I've ever done was for her. I want her to be happy, to taste the joy of life, she deserves it.

Lost in thought I almost don't see her come up next to me.

Syd's POV:

My dad is standing facing away from me looking out the window. I watch him for several minutes surprised when he seems to remain unaware of my presence. My father is not one to lose touch with his surroundings. For years, as a double agent, that split second loss of focus could mean his life would be ended. Five years after I learned the truth about him, I can only marvel at his ability to compartmentalize. I'm fairly good at it as well, between both my parent's amazing abilities; my genes are probably as impressive as any are in this category.

I don't know if I should disturb him. He deserves a moment of reflection, but my urge to talk to him, to hear what he's thinking about, even for an arm around the shoulder or a handhold is too great. I walk up next to him, "Hey dad."

I can tell he's surprised that I'm here, but nothing changes for a moment. Then his head turns to me and his eyes soften.  
"How are you sweetheart?" His voice is gentle and fatherly. It brings back memories from my childhood when he would tuck me at night. Once my mother died, he was gone, I no longer felt so safe.

"I'm okay dad, just tired." I hope he doesn't pick up on my defeated tone. He does, I can feel his eyes burning into me.

He takes me arm gently and leads me to his sofa, it's surprisingly soft.

"What's wrong?" He is studying me, making an effort to connect. This is strange; I've come to my dad to talk. For the longest time it was Emily, maybe Sloane even (I shudder), then it was Will and Francie, then Danny, and then Vaughn. Most of those people didn't know what my life was like. I couldn't really talk to most of them. I was alone, it was just Sloane. Then my dad and Vaughn entered the picture. Vaughn became my savior, my dad was still distant. He did watch out for me, but he couldn't connect with me, not really. Now that he's here with me, that he reaches out to me, I feel better, but still alone.

"I miss him, I don't know how to do this dad," I hate admitting how weak I feel to my father. He's so strong, so reliable. I've always admired that.

"Sydney, we're past the time when you hide how you feel from me. This is no longer something you should feel you have to do. It's okay to admit that you feel alone, and desolate."

I raise my eyes and meet his searching for some of that strength, "Remember when I got back from my two years with the Covenant?" He nods.

"I told you I needed you, your strength." He doesn't respond.

"I need that now; again, I don't know how to be a mom." I've admitted it.

His eyes register what I'm saying and regret fills them.

Jack's POV:

She's just told me in a sentence what she fears. She never had a mother around. Emily was the closest she had. Vaughn had, has, a wonderful mother. He would know how to be a good parent, she had never known good parents; one dead, the other as good as dead. I reach out to wipe a tear from her face, "Sydney, I have no doubt that you are going to be a wonderful mother." She gets that look of grateful surprise on her face. Her eyes widen, chin trembles and more tears fall.

"Sydney, love is the most important thing. You will love this child; you'll never wish to be parted from it. I know I was a terrible father to you, but you will not cower from your child out of pain. You know what you missed in your childhood; your child will never know those things."

She nods; I can see her realizing that is true. "I should go, it's getting late."

I stand with her, "I'm finished here, and I'll take you." I help her with her coat. She takes my arm and we walk towards the door. My place in her life has changed, and I'm grateful for that.


	2. challenges

Because I've been away I haven't seen too many recent Alias episodes, so the missions may be put on hold for a bit until I get a break to catch up. However, some previous events may be referred to which means there will probably be some spoilers.

Two nights later:

Sydney's POV:

My house is dark; I set down my purse and ease onto the couch. With Sloane's loyalties questionable, Nadia still going in and out of consciousness, my mother goodness knows where, Vaughn dead and now Rachel struggling to help us bring down an alliance like network within our global government, it's a wonder I still stay sane. Not to mention the boggling realization that I'm bringing a child into this world, and alone. How has this happened to me? Without even realizing it I've started to cry and now I'm gasping for breath, calm Sydney, this isn't good for the baby. My whole life seems to be balancing on the edge of a cliff and I'm so afraid that I won't be able to stay grounded this time around. The whole pursuit of happiness as being an inalienable right is a joke. I've pursued happiness and been a sucker's fool so many times. I ease myself off the couch; I'm due in three weeks for heavens sake! I pick up my phone and hit speed dial 1. "Hi honey," my dad's voice comes over the line.

Jack's POV:

That son of a bitch Arvin Sloane is making me uneasy. He's been a pin in our sides too many times and he's eluded death too many times for the mass murderer he really is, but between him and Rambaldi he's managed to continue to mess with my daughter's life, he's pushing the limits now. If he brings any harm to Sydney now I'll kill him with my bare hands, she is going to be a mother, of a child that deserves to have her. The father is gone, and this baby will need Sydney, I wonder if she's considered being a spy while she's a mother. Irina certainly had no problem; maybe she could call and give Sydney some tips. Sarcasm is not my normal tone, but matters like this seem so utterly absurd that sometimes it's difficult to imagine how they've gotten started to begin with. Just then my phone begins to ring, glancing at it I see its Sydney, "hi honey."

"Hi daddy," I hear the tears in her voice. "Sydney what happened?" I feel fear shooting through me, it's cruel that my entire life has revolved around the fear that something has happened to the one person I love more than anything. Hearing her voice tremble, I can only imagine the worst. "Daddy, I can't be alone right now, it's just all too much, and can you come?" She sounded worse than she ever has. I found myself moving towards the garage as she spoke, "I'm on my way sweetie, go lie down, and I'll see you soon." I climb in my car and speed towards her house. Two weeks ago she gave me a key, "probably a safe idea," she had told me. Grateful for it I unlock her door and rush up the stairs. I open her door, she's curled on her side and her shoulders are shaking. I walk to the edge of the bed and kneel down, her face is streaked with tears and her eyes are closed. "Sydney, open your eyes and look at me please," I need to read her expression; it's part of how I assess how she's doing. Her eyes remain close, but she moves a hand towards me and I take it quickly, "Sydney I know you're closing me out, don't do it." I try to keep the fear in my voice to a minimum, it won't help her. She manages to open them, they are like black holes, there's an emptiness to them I've never seen before. Christ, how did I not see this coming?

She sits up and I sit down next to her and she leans against me, "I kept telling myself things were getting better. I mean Vaughn and I had our whole lives together, and then we were going to have a baby and now things have fallen apart. Now there's a new alliance and Sloane is…" "Shusssh," I cut her off sharply, "Sydney I'm not going to let you consume yourself with this anymore, it's no longer your job to obsess over things that will only be damaging to your health."

Sydney's POV:  
Wrapped in my dad's arms listening to him tell me that he wasn't going to let me do something, I should have been angry and irritated like I usually am when he tries to control me. This time though, all I felt was relief. He continued, "I want you to take some time off, Rachel is progressing nicely and will continue to do so. This way you can take the last three weeks so you're healthy when the baby comes and I don't want you to argue with me. I'll stop by with dinner of some kind after work, I want you to rest. This has to stop Sydney; you're killing your health." He paused before continuing, "And I want you to see Dr. Barnett. Do you remember her?"

I stiffened, "dad…" "No Sydney, it's time that you started to figure out how deeply recent events have affected you, the clearer mindset you're in when the baby is born, the stronger a parent you'll be." I have no response so I nod, I suppose he's right, but it doesn't mean that I have to rejoice. We sit there for a few minutes in silence before I speak, "do you think mom knows I'm pregnant?" He doesn't say anything, "would you like me to contact her?" I'm surprised he offered, I guess he's not sure either. "Do you know how?" I feel silly after all she's his wife. "Yes, I believe our channels can still be opened," he doesn't sound sure, but he does sound willing. "I guess after all that's happened I just want to…" I don't want to finish so I trial off.

"You just want your mom to know," he finishes. I nod against him feeling so little and scared again.

Jack's POV:  
I'll contact Irina tomorrow, I don't know if I can get her here, but maybe. I'd do anything for Sydney and I think she would too; we can probably get it to happen for a very short amount of time. Sydney has fallen asleep on my chest, her breathing has slowed and is steady, and her body still feels tense like she's waiting for nightmares to start. She hasn't told me specifically, but I believe she still has them. She told me once watching Vaughn get shot multiple times without being able to stop it was the most hopeless she'd ever felt in her entire life.


	3. advice from an unlikely source

I have only seen the most recent episode right before Christmas so I know some of these events may not seem to fit. However because I don't know where it's going from there, I'm kind of going to only use pieces from the real episodes that fit and the rest will be a little AU.

Syd's POV:  
I wake up and I'm on the couch covered with a blanket.

I squint and my dad is standing there smiling at me, "good morning sweetheart," he looks concerned.

"Hey dad," I sit up slowly.

"Thanks for coming over last night," I still feel weird about calling him, but it was so nice to have someone there, I didn't have any nightmares.

"You slept peacefully," he studied me, "I'm going to the office for a bit, I called you in sick, and will you be alright here?"  
"Dad, I'm fine." I don't know what else to say, but I really am grateful to him for staying.

He leaves and I'm still sitting on the couch. I didn't have any bad dreams, but I miss Vaughn. My hand goes to my stomach; it's bigger now, much bigger now that this baby is growing so quickly. Sometimes I wonder about my mothering skills. My own mother didn't leave me with much.

Jack's POV:  
I'm sitting at my desk when Rachel walks in, "Mr. Bristow, do you have a minute?" She looks tired, that's the first thing I noticed.

"Sit down," I don't lose my straight face, but I'm curious.

"I was thinking maybe I should move in with Sydney now that the baby's due date is closer. That way she'd have someone around." This young woman is very competent and I know Sydney likes her.

"You'll have to ask Sydney about that," I watch her expression.

"Do you think she'll like the idea," Rachel looks me in the eye.

"I don't pretend to know my daughter as well as you presume I do Ms. Gibson, however I see no issues at the moment," I wait for her to respond.

"Thank you Mr. Bristow," she stands look pale suddenly.

"Are you alright?" I don't move, merely wait for her to answer.

"Just fine thank you," she makes her way out of my office where she is immediately intercepted by Tom.

He quickly places his arm around her waist and escorts her to her desk. I watch curiously as he questions her and she continually shakes her head. Finally she snaps something at him and gets up and walks away.

I walk out and up to him, "Is there something I should be aware of?"

"No Sir, things are fine," he's still watching her.

"Keep me posted on her condition," I request and he shoots me a look.

"You know about it?" He looks shocked, "how did you find out?"  
"I have my sources, let me know," I watch him nod and make my way towards the phone to call Sydney.

"Hi daddy," she picks up.

"Sydney, how are you feeling?" I try to sound like a father should.

"Dad I'm fine, really, I've been picking up all morning," she sounds tired.

"Sydney, you need to rest, it's unhealthy for you to be working so hard," I remember treating Irina like glass when she was pregnant with Sydney.

"I'll see later okay dad?" She doesn't want to talk, something's bothering her.

"Okay Sydney," I hung up and made my way to Rachel's seat that she had since returned to.  
"Ms. Gibson, I think my daughter would be glad to have company, I think it's a good idea for you to pursue," I don't want her to bring me up in her conversation.

"Thank you Mr. Bristow, I'll call now." She picks up her phone.

About twenty minutes later while I'm trying to trace Sloane's recent movements Rachel walks in, "I'm moving in the day after tomorrow," she looks content.

"Good," I nod curtly and she hesitates, "do you think you could help me get in touch with Dr. Barnett," she looks down.

My alarm bells go off immediately, there were times when I wished Sydney would talk and times when she blackmailed me too, but we both were resistant.

"I'll give her your contact info today," I wait.

"Thank you," she smiles faintly and exits my office.

Later that afternoon I park my car in the garage, it's time to contact my wife.

Using our code she quickly finds me, "how are you?"

"I'm fine, our daughter needs help," I wait.

"What's wrong, is she hurt?" the mother in Irina will never stop worrying about her daughter.

"She's pregnant," I type.

"Oh God, and he's dead," she types back.

I should have known she'd figure it out, that woman is too smart with too many connections.

"I don't know what to tell her Irina," it's hard admitting that.

"You're her father Jack," she responds, "you don't need to provide her with anything other than love; the rest will all become clear."

"Sometimes I feel like I'm blinded by our history and I can't advise her on her own future," weakness is not something I readily admit to and she knows that.

"Jack, this self-doubting doesn't suit you. Sydney loves you Jack and do you know why?"

"I suppose," I know she does.

"Because you never let her down Jack, you never failed her and you can't fail her now. You're all she has and that's enough for her right now. You can't bring him back," she is blunt I'll give her that.

"She doubts her mothering skills," I tell her wondering what she'll say to that.

"Sydney knows who she is, she has no reason too. I'm not a reason Jack, make sure she knows that. I'm her past, this child is her future."

I hate the way Irina was always so wise like this. She was always persistent and consumed later by Rambaldi, but she never lost sight of what she was best at, telling it like she saw it.

"I know she'll be a good mother Irina, I just can't convince her of that," that's the hard part I guess.

"Jack, first time mothers are terrified no matter what. Do you remember the day she was born? I wasn't sure what to do either, my own mother was no role model and neither were my older sisters." She had suffered with them I remember now.

"That's true," I concede.  
"Jack, as long as she knows I love her, that I never stopped, she'll be able to let me go."

"I wish you could see her," I wrote, "She's glowing."

"She was glowing form the moment she was born. Jack she has survived having us as her parents," I know she's smiling.

"You're right," I typed back.

"She'll get on with her life," Irina reassured me.

"She's lost the man she loves twice, this time he was so much more to her than before, I barely survived losing you." I hate admitting this to her now.

"She'll live Jack, day by day until the pain lessens," maybe she's speaking from her own feelings.

"I miss you," I confess.

"I'm sorry I can't see her as well, give her my love." she writes.

"Irina, did you know his name wasn't Michael Vaughn?" I don't know where that came from, but I ask it.

She cuts off on me.

That wasn't what I needed to know, but I guess I do. Irina has a role in this.


	4. Desperate

Chapter 4: Desperate

Rachel Gibson wasn't someone who enjoyed being looked down on. In turn that meant she didn't enjoy encounters with Jack Bristow. Recently though she discovered that the man who made her feel about two inches tall also had a kind compassionate side that he rarely showed anyone.

Jack's POV:

I had Dr. Barnett's contact information ready for Rachel, but I had not yet determined why she needed it. The only issue was that APO didn't really exist on the CIA radar; it was the SD-6 of the good side.   
"You have the information," young Rachel is a smart woman, she knows what is at stake here.

"Yes, you are to be extremely careful about meetings, the CIA will officially deny any involvement. Dr. Barnett will be dealing with you as a special patient. If anyone asks, she is an old family friend. I had a list of contacts set up and Dr. Barnett is briefing the history at the moment."  
"You know my mother is dead, and my father doesn't really exist," Rachel meets my eye and I glimpse pain in them.

"Yes, I'm aware of those things, there's no need to specify times when your parents interacted with her, if someone gets suspicious, we'll come up with a plausible cover story."

I handed her the information and she glanced at it, "Thank you Sir."

I nod and she takes that as her cue to leave.

"Dad," Sydney is standing in my office door. I was so engrossed in my follow-up on Sloane's activities and trying to track his plans down. The bastard never should have been trusted.

"Honey," I'm surprised to see her at work.

"Hi," she gives me this look like she's penetrating to my core and it's unnerving. It's the same look she had in her eyes when Vaughn died, the look in her eyes as she watched him die will haunt me until I die.

"What's wrong Sydney," I've never called her Syd. That name is reserved for those of her friends she's shared her life with. As her father I'm not in either category.

"Dad, when mom died," she hesitates and looks down.

"Sit down," I invite, but it sounds like an order.

She obeys and meets my eye with a tormented gaze, "you thought she'd died, what if Vaughn…"

"Sydney, Vaughn is dead," it hadn't occurred to me that she'd be struggling with something like this.  
"Dad, isn't there a chance that he…"

"No Sydney, he died that day in the hospital in front of you. I know you are too overwhelmed right now to realize it, but this grieving has to close before your child is born. It's not fair that she should have less than all your love."

I wait for her to meet my eyes again and then I continue, "I didn't give you enough love, not even a fraction of what you deserved, Sydney, your child deserves more than I gave you."

"Dad," she is broken, and it hurts me so much to see her like this.

"No Sydney, you are strong, your mother told me something recently, she said as long as you know she loves you, that you can let go of her and the past, the scars she left you with can be healed," I watch her.

"What if I fail at this?"

"You won't Sydney, when you hold your child, everything will start living again," she just needs to hold on.

"I just want his arms around me again," she watches my face.

I stand and walk around the desk and squat down next to her, she accepts the arm I place around her, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I know Sydney," I don't tell her how I burned for Irina's touch in the days following her apparent death.

"I just keep thinking about how lucky you are that you still have mom," Sydney studies me.

"What?" I'm taken aback.

"I mean she did destroy you, but now you know where things are," she looks at me waiting for my agreement.

I can't give it to her; I don't have a clue where I stand with my child's mother. She's still my wife come to think of it.

"You're still married aren't you?" She is reading my mind

"Sydney," again I can't find the words.

"Why?" She wants my past to help her make sense of her future. That's not fair.

"I don't know," it's an honest response. I have no idea.

"I guess because it's easier this way," a lame response, even I know that.

My razor sharp daughter picks up on it of course, "Dad," she pounces.

"I don't know Sydney," I think I do.

"You still love her," she isn't accusing, she just needs answers.

"Maybe," I hate admitting that.

"It's okay Dad," she shows me that side of her that is Irina when we once were together. That gaze that Sydney has it pure Laura, it's the look that used to tell me that she loved me, that no matter what happened she would always love me.

I am so blessed with my daughter, and if for one minute I could take her pain away I would.

"Sydney, if I could bring him back I would, I would give my life so you could have him back."  
"Slap," the sound echoes and I turn my face back to meet my daughter's pained eyes.   
"Don't you dare," her voice is deathly quiet.

"Sweetheart," pacification wont' work.

"Don't you ever say that again, I need you, I wouldn't ever wish that Dad. You're my father, I would never want that," I see the sincerity in her eyes and am reminded again of how far we've come.

She is in my arms now crying softly. Now I've upset her.

"I'm here sweetheart," and I am.

She stands a few minutes later, awkwardly, "I should go."

"Are you okay?" It's silly to ask.

"Yes, Rachel is moving in tomorrow," she looks happy when she tells me.

"I heard," there's no need to say how.

"Dad, will you come have dinner with me?"

"I'll see you six, Chinese?"

"Yeah," she gives me a weak smile, but it's a start. She plants a gentle kiss on my cheek and then makes her way slowly out of my office.

Sorry it's short. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated!


End file.
